Sunday, August 29, 2010
So, this morning church was great! We talked about David again. Which, is sort of redundant but mostly great. He was a man after God's own heart and thats what I want to be. Him and I even have something in common, we both lost a child. Different circumstances of course but we both know what its like to deal with your baby dying. Sid (the preacher) is really cool I think. During part of the service he was talking about how everyone is just as important as the other. Such as, the guys who lead worship are just as important as the preacher. I liked that. He's not a cocky "I'M THE PREACHER" kinda guy. I appreciate that. Tonight we are going to a bbq with our little group at church. They are mostly all married couples. in fact, I think we are all married actually. Another lady and I in the group are going to have our babies a month apart. Another lady just showed us an ultrasound picture today. She is obviously newly pregnant. I was making a list of places today that Joe could apply to. They are mostly places we didn't think of. Last night he said he had a dream he got a job and then of course woke up to realize it wasn't real...complete frustration! He said he also had a dream I went into false labor. Apparently we had drove all the way to Columbia in his dream just to have it be a false alarm! And of course, he woke up and realized Claire is still in the belly..frustration again. Not that we want her to come out now! I'm only 26 weeks but at the same time we are very anxious. We just want our little girl. We already missed out on our first..maybe that has something to do with it. It also makes us nervous that I'm diabetic. But the good thing is the dr doesn't seem concerned that we will lose this baby. Speaking of Claire, she really likes to hang out in momma's ribs. She is only like what, 2 lbs now? so it doesn't hurt. I'm hoping that if she decides to stay in my ribs the rest of the pregnancy it doesn't hurt. We have 79 days I believe until she comes!!! This morning Sid was talking a bit about backsliding, he raised an interesting point, that as a whole when we talk about backsliding, we normally mean that someone has gotten so far behind, they don't even care about God anymore. But it seemed like his opinion is that backsliding means sliding away from the closest you've ever been to God. Make sense? I want some opinions on that if anyone has any. Please keep praying for us (Claire included) . I start seeing the dr once a week here soon because of non stress tests. With Joe having no job, that could prove to be difficult.we still have a little less than 3 months of pregnancy left. I get worn out easily it seems, sometimes it feels like I can't breathe, and just gets hard to carry around my big belly. I am not trying to complain about my pregnancy..I know its going to seem that way when you read this. If I could trade Claire for all the comfort in the world I wouldn't do it! I am trying to think about how and when I am going to tell Claire about Ella. It's hard because I don't know how to tell her in a way I think she might understand. I don't want to pretend Ella never existed either. When asked how many kids I have I say 2..so I'm definately not trying to ignore her. Believe me though, sometimes I am tempted to forget. If I do I don't have to deal with the hurt of losing our child.