baby Claire!

Our whole lives have changed..for the better of course! We are trying to get used to a routine. I take naps during the day and stay up with Claire at night. Joe goes back to school next week so we're trying to keep the transition easier on him too. I love cuddling with my little Clairebear!  I've heard conflicting advice about holding her while she sleeps. Some say she can get used to it and start to take advantage of it..some say quite frankly..she's too young to catch onto something like that. I love having 'mommy/Claire" time in the middle of the night. So, getting out of bed is hard at times but once I sit there and hold her, I'm almost glad she woke up..is that bad?

It's been hard adjusting..but not as bad as like last week when she was born.  Sometimes I look at her or think of her and think 'wow. she's really here. I'm not pregnant anymore.' Sometimes during the pregnancy I felt like I would never not be pregnant. I have had some crazy emotions as of late. I have had thoughts of 'why did we have her?' "can we be adequate parents?' "ready for this responsibility?"I know that these..questions aren't really my emotions..which is kinda nuts but comforting all at once. I know my hormones are messing with me. I'm excited for them to get back to normal. I love my baby. I know I love her, I just want to feel it. Ya know? I'm tired of wondering/worrying about the future. I see commercials on tv about children at st. jude's with cancer..and think..will that one day be Claire? Will she die of sids?  its been rough. but I know with God on our side, we will be alright and thats super comforting.