Sunday, October 3, 2010

new loss...

Yesterday Joe got a call from Daniel. The guy that was staying with us in Moberly for awhile. His wife (our step niece) had a baby at 29 weeks. He lived for a week I think. It was heartbreaking to hear. It sort of took us back to that place where we first lost Ella. We both felt like we needed to do something, but being 2 hours away with no job, we can't really do anything besides pray. I'm not discounting the power of prayer. We just both felt so helpless! We both feel more on-edge I think as it comes closer to Claire's birth. It's hard to wait for her to be here, at the same time, I don't mind waiting just in case she doesn't make it beyond pregnancy. And, I really do like being pregnant. Sure, I complain about being sore (and I have been for weeks) but it's all worth it. Losing a child has definitely brought me some insight into appreciating my children more. I'm not condemning those who have never lost one (its HORRIBLE! I wouldn't wish it on anybody) and I'm sure you can appreciate a second child as much as a first. It just brought me a lot of insight. I miss our Ella. I wonder what life would be like with her here, to have two little girls here instead of one, to not have to think about STILL needing to get a headstone.

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