I've been scared straight!

The doctor made changes to my insulin dosage on Monday.  He told me to call his nurse on Thursday (yesterday) to tell her what my sugar levels have been since he changed the dosage on Monday. She told me that they weren't tight enough. I admitted that I think a lot of it is my fault. I am trying to keep my sugars under wraps but not tightly enough I feel. She told me to try a stricter diet to see if it really is me just  lacking the 'food control'. She told me that if its not controlled better in this last 5 weeks it could result in 'serious complications for the baby'. I asked her what she meant exactly, I know she did not want to tell me and I was honestly a little afraid to ask (as high enough sugars can lead to a baby in the womb dying). She told me that a lot of babies born to mommies who have high blood sugars often end up in the NICU when they are born. She told me that when the baby is born and the doctor (or husband) cuts the umbilical cord, that its cutting the baby off from the high sugars he/she is used to getting from his/her mom. She said often you'll see a baby's hands shake from their sugars being messed up and they end up in the NICU on kind of a...sugar drip I guess is the easiest way to explain it trying to ween the baby off having high sugars. Joe graciously (I think it was gracious anyway) offered to do this tightening of diet thing right along with me. He told me he didn't have a problem doing it for the next  5 weeks . I told him I am honestly disappointed in myself that I haven't done a better job over the last few months I've been carrying Claire. We know what its like to lose a child and I told myself if I ever got pregnant again I would take care of myself to ensure we would NOT lose another. Now, I can't say my blood sugar was to blame for Ella's death but since we will never know for sure of course I wonder. 


In other news, Joe's job interview went well. He doesn't know if he got the job. He said he is confident he will get it though. It turns out they are looking for a 'relief guy'. Like if someone wants to go on vacation or is sick or something so he won't get as many hours as he was hoping for, but its a job so its definitely more than we have now! I went shopping this morning with one of the ladies in my small group on Sundays. She has 2 small boys so she was informational with parenting advice. At this point, its definitely what I long for. It was good to get to know someone better too. Lately, I've been feeling sort of lonesome being so far away from my college friends.