Monday, September 13, 2010

baby appointment!

Joe and I leave in about an hour to get to our first doctor appointment. Then, 45 minutes later we have another one! Our first one is just to listen to her heartbeat, and kinda check up on me. The next one in pretty much the most exciting of the two! I get an ultrasound and a non stress test. The exciting part is obviously the ultrasound part. The non stress test is kinda boring. I just sit there and push a button every time Claire moves. It's exciting to be honest with how much she moves in just a matter of like 20-30 minutes. Maybe its just more exciting because we lost of our first child. I have been praying that Claire will not die like Ella did. I do not want to experience the loss of two children.

Earlier, I was doing my homework for the Elizabeth George study we've been doing at church it was talking about how God disciplines us because he loves us. Now, I know that God did not take our baby girl away to 'teach us a lesson.' When we first lost her I felt like that. I think I remember praying and praying and wondering and wondering what the lesson could be. In the early days (when I say early I mean like the first 6 months) it took me awhile to stop thinking about her constantly. I know that might sound silly but again, until you've lost a loved one, you are ignorant (and I don't mean that in a rude way). Now, I come to the conclusion that I am not glad our daughter died but I am happy with the ability to connect with people in a way not a lot of people (especially my age) can say that they can.

 My sister lost her third child and as far as I know, doesn't have anyone to connect with in a 'grieving mom' way. Now, we can be there for each other. Before we lost Ella I was ignorant of her pain (obviously). I also remember thinking 'she's got 5 other living children to take care of!' now I realize that doesn't matter. They still don't take the place of Luke. I'm not saying my nephews and niece do not matter!! Don't get me wrong. please! I hope my point is understood though.

For those of you that are reading this and are believers please! please! pray for my baby girl to be born healthy, alive and well. We have less than 10 weeks till she's here! Joe is still unemployed. He is supposed to be getting in touch with kfc after he gets out of class today.

We are headed to Columbia immediately after he gets home to look in on baby Claire!

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