thoughts

so lately I've had my oldest baby on my mind. There was a long time period where I didn't feel as effected by Ella's death. Now I just feel heartbroken all over again. I miss her terribly. Recently I have been thinking about my emotions at that time and how far I have come. but every once in a great while I still feel stuck. I go back to 'that' place. the one where I feel so alone and it feels like everyone else is moving on with life but me.now  i know that i can move on. i have for almost two years. that is unbelievable,amazing and heartbreaking all at once.