why why why...

I put a new song list on here. It consists of music that reminds me of my girls. And some just because I like the songs. In the song "with hope" he says that he never questioned so much the wisdom of God's plan..thats EXACTLY how I feel and have felt since Ella died. I go to a women's Bible study on Wednesday mornings. There are other people who I attend there with who have lost their babies as well. They do have other children as well though :) its nice to talk to them and be able to relate to one another..it was kind of a coinkindink that they also lost girls. I was asked how I've dealt with Ella's death in the almost 2 years since she's been gone..I think its been..different since Claire's here. I get to watch Claire grow and it just puts things into perspective. I never got to watch Ella grow. The other night I had a weird dream that every time I changed Claire's diaper she would die..but there were replicas of her so she was still alive but there were 'dead Claire's'..and then in the dream I wondered if we forgot to bury Ella...like her body was just laying around too...weird. She's obviously been on my mind.