Thursday, December 23, 2010

being on both sides of loss

really is bittersweet. It's heart wrenching. Claire hadn't pooped in awhile that Joe and I noticed and it was scary. I said a prayer for her in my head as I was making Joe cookies (He turned 25 today). Both my doctors offices are closed and Claire's pediatrician's office is closed as well. I was getting ready to call the 'on call' pediatrician and Joe told me she made a stinky fart! It turned out that she had actually pooped. I know it seems stupid to rejoice when your kid poops but for a baby thats a big deal. I was praising God when I heard she pooped (and as I was changing her diaper).
Losing Ella has really taught me a whole new perspective on things. As Christmas approaches, I think about Ella more. What would life look like if we had both girls with us? (assuming Claire would have came too even if Ella had lived) Claire really is a big blessing, I can't hardly stand the thought of her not being here. Instead of saying "I have to wake up with Claire in the middle of the night." I instead want to put a whole new perspective on it. " I get to wake up with her" Last year we didn't get that. I didn't get to experience waking up during the night with a newborn. I didn't get the cuddles and kisses (I think Claire seems she likes to suck on my lips or whatever she can stick in her mouth)
Claire will turn 6 weeks old this coming Tuesday..CrAzY!

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