over coffee yesterday...

I realized something! It was an epiphany of sorts..I was talking to a lady who is in my Wednesday morning Bible study. We met at one of the local coffee shops to basically discuss grieving..she too has lost a daughter and her husband..little did I know yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of his death..wow! what an honor to share that day with her...

anyway...
so, I was telling her a little bit more about myself. I spent the majority of my teenage years in a home where my mother was an alcoholic. I  remember wondering night after sleepless night why doesn't she just stop the behavior? It's costing her, her family and her health! is it really that hard?

After my baby died, I did not get into alcohol addiction but I could understand how someone would. You basically just want to forget...and will do anything in order to make that happen..well, at least that's my 2 cents on why I think a person would.

so back to my point..sorta
I was telling my friend how I can understand (sort of) why it would be so hard to break that addiction even if its costing a person their family. See, when I was pregnant with Ella they did the normal gestational diabetes screening and I did in fact have it..I had it after she was born as well and still do. I was telling my friend...that I'm the one who chooses to eat the chocolate or chooses not to do any physical activity (more than taking care of my almost 1 year old)

When Claire was in the womb, I had one friend put it so well 'that little baby is going to have to become more important than food'

I guess that's kind of two points in one..sort of

anyway, How do I change it?!?!? How do I become the healthy person I want to become? For so long I've been thinking 'well, its inevitably going to happen (losing a foot or something) or its too late to fix it, so why try? I know that is no way to think...I need help...