so recently...

I was reading on (in)courage and they are doing a book club about a book having to do with fear.."what women fear" to be exact and since this is pretty much exactly what I have been dealing with as of late (fear) I figured it was probably a good idea to get involved. I am excited to learn from it and take some nuggets of wisdom from this study. Yesterday, Angie asked us to write about something we have been struggling with lately having to do with fear and link it up with (in)courage. Truth me told, I have no idea how to do that. If any of you know me very well, you'd know I've been dealing with anxiety for quite awhile..2 years really.  I either have this fear that my life will end abruptly or something horrible with happen to me and then I will die. Leaving Claire without a momma and Joe without his wife having to raise our daughter all on his own. It's pretty humbling to have a baby already gone from this world. I want to teach Claire how to get to her big sister as she gets older, I want to help keep her on that path that leads to Ella..and of course Jesus :) The whole reason she can even meet her big sister in the first place. In a wierd way, I wonder if Claire already sort of knows Ella. They shared the same womb! Sometimes she'll be in the bath and just staring outside the door like someone is standing there. She is completely silent most of the time...she just stares in one spot. I can't help but wonder if its her big sister watching her momma and little sister laugh and splash and play with bath toys..does that sound dumb? Of course we have pictures up of Ella that Claire looks at time and again...I wonder.....