So, I will admit (finally) to the few of those who read this, I've been living in fear! There have been times in the past 2 years that it has been better & sometimes worse with living in fear & anxiety.
The fear I've been carrying so long is of something horrible happening to me. Namely, death. I have this fear since our first baby died so suddenly so will I. Logical or not thats how I feel. I have been diabetic since who knows when so thats pretty scary! I wonder "will I go blind?" "have a leg amputated?"It's pretty much an ongoing battle..and I pretty much never win. I've really been struggling for quite awhile. It effects my attitude, my mood & even the way I treat Joe & Claire. I've been the kind of person to say "I don't believe "you" should let your mood effect the way "you" treat others but here I am doing it. I think of those who don't have husbands & consider I should be more careful with the way I treat him. After Ella died, I would ger so mad when I saw a parent mistreating their children.
I've been struggling a lot with faith too. I know either way, one has to have faith what we believe is true. When I seek & find..I want more..then a thought that makes me skeptical pops ito my head. I don't remember being wavering this much in my faith since after Ella died.
I've had all these weird pains. It's pretty scary. I still ask for prayer but personally, its hard for me to pray right now