Monday, April 11, 2011

my mind just doesn't stop running..

So I have to admit, I am having a hard time..with a few things.

I feel like I don't know how to teach Claire certain things and when..well, let me just tell you what I'm talking about exactly. This girl does NOT sleep in her crib. Yesterday was the first time she actually slept in it I think. She will be 5 months old on the 16th and still isn't sleeping on her own at night. She does sleep in this little rocking chair we have for her just fine. I don't think there will ever be a perfect time to try to help her do it..I mean, right now Joe's in school and is so busy especially now that its the end of the semester AND works I feel like I'm not being a good wife by letting the baby sleep on her own and being up several times a night and Joe not getting adequate sleep. Is that stupid?

I'm not sure I am being a good Christian..well, I know I'm not. I am letting the world get to me and strike up some feelings of skepticism. It all just seems so unreal. I mean that there is a God...a Jesus who died for us! Then again, the big bang is pretty weird in my opinion. I'm in that spot where when I do talk to God I wonder if anyone is listening but then again..I've been through it before and it always passes.

Since Joe is busy, and I am home by myself with the baby I don't get a lot done. For instance, today I got a load of dishes done when it was just me and her home. She cried the whole time though. Before I had gotten the water ready to wash the dishes she was good in her playpen so I thought she would be good for soon as I got those dishes in the sink..she wasn't happy. I knew before we came here that he was going to be busy I just wasn't prepared for the loneliness. I thought that since I would have Claire shortly after we moved here that all would be okay..I was wrong. I feel as if this is a test of patience or something. I love my daughter so much and nobody said parenthood was easy and I understand that..I just didn't think I'd have to deal with being lonely too. In order to graduate on time Joe is going to have to take on even bigger course loads and an internship (eventually) and work...ahhh!!

well, my baby is screaming in her crib..and its time to get her a bath I suppose :0) good thing she doesn't mind a bath

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