Tuesday, April 19, 2011


So if anyone eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord unworthily, that person is guilty of sinning against the body and the blood of the Lord. That is why you should examine yourself before eating the bread and drinking from the cup.
1 Cor. 11:27-28

I got this in my email today. Everyday I get a devotional in my email. Its interesting because this has been on my heart lately.When taking communion over the past several weeks, I admit to you, my heart has been sort of in it. does it mean we should not partake of the elements being passed around the church if we are not 'feelin it today'?I have not felt that close to God as of late. Now I still pray safety over my daughter and things of that nature but getting close to Him...oh no! I still pray for the safety of both my daughters. Is that stupid? I pray that Ella truly is happy and loved and not just...nowhere..does that make sense? since Claire's birth I have sporadically wondered how life would look different with a 5 month old AND almost 2 year old and I feel like shutting down. I try to remind myself if Ella were here then we might not have Claire. I got pregnant 9 months after she Ella died I think. Now, I definitely am not glad Ella couldn't stay with us but since she couldn't, I'm so glad to have Claire!

Now, back to this God business, I know asking for his care but ignoring him otherwise is hypocrisy and doesn't make you a Christian at all!! I'm not doing bad things I guess I'm more...stagnant than anything but surprisingly but not all at once typing all this out has made me realize how stupid I am being...

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