Wednesday, January 26, 2011

it may get random...

I went to Bible study this morning. It was much needed. I was glad I got assigned to the group I did. One of the ladies I could particularly relate to. It helped they could relate to having small children at home. They all could relate to the cabin fever feeling. I feel all sorts of guilty for feeling like this. Especially because of the fact that we lost our Ella last year. Wow! it's just last year...sometimes it feels unreal. Sometimes I feel numb to losing her. This morning for some reason it became all to real again. I was holding Claire and for some reason the way her hairline is reminded me of Ella. It's hard to know what to say when I'm asked 'how many kids do you have?" I don't want to leave Ella out but at the same time explaining everything can be nuts. I don't want to make others feel sorry for me. Ella is a part of my life.
I think going to Bible study on Wednesdays will be good for me. Another lady held Claire for the majority of the time, it felt like a break. I felt like a whole new person. It was weird being without her but it was welcomed..hope that made sense

We can learn lessons from a donkey. That was part of the lesson this morning. The lady teaching was talking about how sometimes we are stubborn as donkeys. God sometimes has to push and pull to get us to budge..eye opening.

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