Thursday, January 20, 2011

losing myself?

Being a mom has been awesome, don't misunderstand me. I love Claire and sacrificing "myself" is something I would rather do than not..I hope that makes sense.

I know once someone has a baby everything changes. It's been hard sometimes however. I feel guilty even thinking these things but I just can't shake it. I miss just being "me" sometimes. All I do is take care of baby, eat (sometimes), do housework (mostly interrupted) and take care of baby some more. The more I type the more all this sounds so stupid. The other night I went out with my small group. We went to Dairy Queen. I had Claire with me of course. I wanted her with me. At the same time it felt just...odd. The other girls don't have husbands and babies. I know I can't expect them to understand anything about having husbands and babies. I just wish I could regularly get together with someone who can.
I am not saying I don't want my baby here. I totally do. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning and the baby is next to me I still get amazed that she is here. It feels like a dream sometimes. I anticipate the day when all this will get easier. When she does become more independent. I know once that happens I will long for the days when all she wanted was the comforting arms of her mother around her.

She got her 2 month shots on monday. She took them like a champ! She cried for a minute when I held her for awhile she quieted down. Its an amazing feeling knowing that only I have that special kind of comfort that Claire needs. Its amazing knowing the bond we share. Remember awhile back when I said I would remember that I get to wake up with her in the middle of the night, etc? I am definitely trying to keep that in mind. I don't do as good job of it as I had planned. She is 8 lbs 4 ounces now! She's almost gained 2 lbs since birth.

This past weekend we went to a wedding and Claire was totally a crowd drawer. I liked having the extra help with her. Saturday morning (with my nice clothes on for the wedding) I picked her up out of her carseat and she puked on me! Oh the joys of motherhood right? The adventure just gets more exciting everyday

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