Ella's 2 year birthday. I've felt like I've been dying inside for the past few weeks. I'm a ball of anxiety (mostly about my own mortality) It's so hard to live without one of my children here. I often wonder what she would look like at the ripe age of 2. Would she be a good sister? Or would she be jealous? Would Claire like having a big sister instead of just playing with mom & dad These questions fill my mind a lot of the time. I'm glad I have the people to keep me going that I do.