Friday, June 17, 2011

life :)

has a way of being...interesting. I have been struggling a lot lately. I've been struggling with my beliefs, I've struggled with the idea of moving on in the future, my health has been a concern to me as well.
I've wondered..Is this whole Christianity bit really real? Am I just wanting to make myself feel better that there is something better and that our first baby is really in a place where she is happy and loved and taken care of...These thoughts rack my mind and have for months!
Joe graduates in about a year and a half. Then we get to try to find a house and start moving forward. That thought scares me! What if he graduates and we have no place to go or there isn't a job offer in his field? By moving on it sort of feels like leaving Ella behind..sort of not as much as it did a couple years ago though. I know that she would probably want us to move on though..and be happy and look forward to seeing her one day.
Since I am diabetic I worry about getting gangrene and having to have something cut off...or my eyes, heart or kidneys ceasing to work.. Has this medicine set in yet?  why haven't I stopped worrying yet?I ask myself...How good is the glyburide really working for my diabetes?

I do have some great support behind me though...I have a good husband (even though sometimes he makes me want to roundhouse kick him in the face) I have found a select few really good friends around her and have some really good friendships from home (Moberly) that have stuck with me..Godly friends. I am thankful for thankful. I am grateful for the people who have prayed for me even when I have a hard time praying myself..which is a lot because I wonder if I am talking to myself..and the answers to my prayers will actually just be coincidence and have nothing to do with God...I know these thoughts may be wrong...I wonder If I am the only one who has thought them...anyone have words of wisdom and/or encouragement?

oh yeah, our daughter turned 7 months old yesterday!

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