Sunday, June 5, 2011

i haven't been able..

to get my blogger to download all the way. It's made me really sad because the last 2 weeks have been really hard for me.
Joe's not working anymore. His manager wrote him off the schedule 2 weeks in a row..he's looking for another job. I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago for some pains i'd been having. They both turned out to be minor issues. One of which has resolved itself the other..not so much. The doctor put me back on anxiety medicine. I stopped taking it after Claire was born. I shouldn't have ever stopped taking it. I could feel my tensions slowly rise over the last few months and I guess I just blew up. I can't handle it on my own. Ella's birthday is coming soon. Since Claire's birth (I think I've mentioned before) I've thought of Ella more. Grieving has been really hard the past few weeks.
I've been going stir crazy at home all the time. I will be visiting my family in Illinois while Joe's gone to the Philippines. There is also anxiety about him going there. Not only will he be gone for 2 weeks (never spent more than 1 night apart in our marriage) and gone over Ella's birthday but I'm scared about bad things happening (ie earthquake) while he is gone. With the recent tornadoes and Joplin being so demolished unexpectedly I'm just afraid of what might happen...but then again nothing may happen but spreading the Gospel and he will come home safe and we will spent our lives together.
I have a like/dislike relationship with not knowing the future. I like the surprise and adventure of life but not knowing is THE worst sometimes.

No comments:

Post a Comment