Monday, February 7, 2011

it could turn into..

a little of everything! Who knows!! Little one woke up at 2 and 5 this morning. When she fell asleep after she ate at 5 she smiled and laughed in her sleep! It was adorable and surprising. Its one of those things she does that makes the hard times a little easier to get through. She's not been sleeping on her own..still! just now she fell asleep in her rocking chair thing. I've been trying to get her to take a nap on her own for awhile this morning.
I don't feel as overwhelmed about being a momma anymore. It's easier to look at it more as a privilege. I am still adjusting to this new little person being in my life. When I was pregnant it wasn't as hard as it is now to face that my life would change. I was still my 'own' person even though she was inside me and everything I did effected her too. I just didn't have to wake up to feed her 2 or 3 times during the night, change diapers, etc.
the fact that I am diabetic has been on my mind more and more. Will it kill me? When? Will I lose my legs? go blind? I don't want to go blind or lose my sight, I want to be here to see my baby grow up. I don't know why it's so hard for me to take care of myself at times. Granted, it is winter time and that makes it super hard to want to go out and exercise but I should be doing something that resembles exercising everyday. I have no idea how to use the sling I have to carry Claire around with me when I want to get chores done so the majority of the time I am holding's impossible to do dishes with a 3 month old in my arms. I control what I eat..mostly. I still have times where its easier and more fun to eat that brownie like everyone else instead of grabbing carrots or something. Its supposed to make more of a difference when I know food can kill me. brownies and crappy food has its toll on even a 'normal' person too I suppose. It would help oogles if I lost weight too..when will I learn my family and being here to give God the glory is more important than food

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