life updates

I started working at Chuck E Cheese's about a month ago. Its proven to be a lot more challanging than I thought CEC could ever be. But, Its been good to finally get out and make some sort of friends. I get along with (mostly) everyone there which is good. A lot of the people are younger than me but thats alright..Just more of a reason to be an example.

Joe's still at TechMaster. He's recently gotten reading glasses which is kinda funny. He's enjoying being in the same state as his family. Since we only live a couple blocks from each other, we get more than our fair share of each other.

Claire's going to turn 3 in about 3 weeks. We're having her birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. I know she's going to have a great time. She can sit on a ride and even if its not moving she will have a great time :)

I've been meeting with a couple of Mormon girls lately. I see it as a witness tool. I met with a Jehovah's Witness in Warrensburg. Even though ideas of other religions and people seem wacky, I have gained some good friends from it.

It's been awhile...

Since I posted and I figured *those of you who might actually read this* might be kind of curious as to how our new lives are going.

Well, I am still a stay at home mom because I just can't seem to catch a break on the job front. Joe still works 5 days a week & most of the time, hasn't been getting home till late in the evening.

I've almost got my apartment put together. We still need to put up Claire's bed and our bed as well. Sharing a bedroom between all 3 of us is not easy. Claire wakes up through the night several times and ends up in our bed the majority of the time. One morning, we woke up and she was right in between us. We have no recollection of how she got there.

Yesterday, We went to church for the first time as a family in a few months. It was really nice. The church is predominately foreign people but it is a good reminder to be that we are foriegners on this earth. I know thats a Scripture reference but I just can't remember where. So funny but embarrassing story...I wore a dress to church (for the first time in a long time), every time I would bend, my bra would hang out!! I didn't know the dress was down so low in the back! After the main service was over,  my mother in law caught me in the bathroom and told me about the peepshow I was giving everyone.Thankfully, she fixed it for me.

The guys at the church were doing free oil changes. So we got our oil changed for free!!! We also got our break lights fixed and the hatch on the back of our SUV fixed. When you wanted to put something in the back, you had to get it in through the back seat..well, no more of that! We still plan to sell it because it just takes up too much gas, especially since we are a 1 income family for now.

Joe is doing excellent at his new job at TechMaster. He's been told he's been the fastest new learner. He's possibly up for a position to go to Antartica with TechMaster actually. He will be gone for 3 months...I don't know how to feel about this. While I am very proud of him for his accomplishments, I don't want to be apart again for that long!

Trusting God has a plan for me here has been hard in the midst of my homesickness for the mid-west but after talking with Joe about it I feel better, I'm supernaturally having an easier time trusting God that he has a plan for us here. I can't find a job so thats frustrating and makes my trust wane a bit but I'm still overall having a good feeling about this move.

The Missouri part of our book has closed

Claire and I arrived last Saturday. She did great on the plane for the most part. She didn't know what to think of the assention part. Her reaction was to pull against the plane trying to pull her up. She didn't eat the candy or gum she had in her hand, she just sat there still. Once we got past the clouds she would stand in my lap and say "I'm flying!" it was too cute. We had a couple unexpected blessings along the way too!I was worried about how I would carry all our bags by myself, it turns out the check in was almost literally where Claire and I were dropped off. I was a dollar short of getting Claire and I a snack before we took off, the cashier let me go ahead and keep her cookie!
 The last few days have consisted to trying to find my way around, lots of walking and looking for places to work. I know God must have a plan for us here. Even if I have no idea what it is yet. I'm hoping I will find a job I enjoy and don't really consider "work".
I am a little homesick for the midwest but the change is nice and its home to my husband so I'm thinking we will both be happier here. If he's happy and Claire's happy..so is momma.

its happening...

Claire and I are finally flying to San Diego next week. We've been apart from my husband for roughly nine weeks. There have been times when Claire has said 'i wanna walk. i need daddy.' or "call daddy." its been rough.
We had been in Illinois for about a month in a half. Now we are in Moberly just hanging out till we leave next Saturday. It's been quite and adventure. Its been bittersweet spending time with people I know I won't see for awhile. Probably a year ish actually. Its been hard because he isn't here with me.Obviously, he would be normally.
I'm excited to start a new life in a new place. I'm excited about the confidence I will gain from doing things I would normally have thought that I can't. I'm also apprehensive because I am going to uncharted territory. I've been there a couple years ago. However, it was a vacation that only lasted a week.

the door closed...

The door on the Navy was closed fairly soon after Joe went to bootcamp so we will be opening another one!
We will be moving to California. Joe started a new job this past Monday at a place called techmaster. He will be calibrating equipment. He will be staying with his parents until he can save some $ to get an apartment for our littel family. There's just not enough room for us all to stay at his parents' place.
As soon as we get there, I will be looking for a job. I am nervous because I haven't worked outside the home since I was pregnant with our first daughter 4 years ago. I am really hoping to get a job at a coffeeshop..or a daycare sounds like I would like it too. We'll see what happens I suppose.

Claire is doing wonderfully. she's a little stinker thats for sure! She likes to ' push my buttons' to see how long it will take before she gets in trouble so thats been a little trying on my patience and my heart because a lot of the time I just want to let it slide but I know thats not doing either one of us any favors.

Being a single parent for a few weeks is rough! I have to pack everything up all by myself too and keep a 2 year old under wraps at the same time..sounds tiring really

it has begun

Joe left for bootcamp the other day. His recruiter called him on Tuesday morning at 10am and said 'hey, I'm in the parking lot. its time to go.' Joe was supposed to meet his recruiter at 11:30..he wasn't ready to go. I wasn't ready for him to go. I don't think I would have ever been ready though.

He went there with a cold too..ugh!

Last night, Claire was running around chasing the cat. He ran into a wire and got his foot caught in it. She was trying to help him, he kept biting her. At the same time, supper was cooking. It was really a trying time to for me.

He called me late last night and said he got there and that I will hear from him in a few weeks. I'm so excited!!!

I might be going to see family in a few weeks. All depends on the financial situation. I have to save up a few hundred to go see Joe graduate. I'm nervous about that because I might have to fly with Claire all by my lonesome. Crap!

When he gradutes in June he will go to Fl for A school. Then we will most likely be stationed somewhere.

This whole experience is overwhelming/nerve wracking/ excited/ and happy/sad thus far!

new beginnings

Joe leaves for Navy boot camp next Wednesday! I am nervous and anxious and excited all rolled into one. I am excited to start this new journey of our lives but scared to be alone. I hate that Joe will have to even go to boot camp. Makes total sense though. A person cannot just "know" the things they want you to learn unfortunately.

I will have my family to help me take care of Claire this summer. I'm hoping we won't get on each other's nerves too awful bad ;)

Claire has become more attached to daddy. We think she knows whats going on. Recently, he dropped us off somewhere and she bawled and screamed when he left. The girl knows whats up and its heartbreaking to this momma

We went to Moberly this weekend to visit before our lives officially change forever. We went to the dog park with our friends' dog. Claire really liked every minute of it! We got a chance to visit the church we attended and see some people we won't see for awhile.

I recently read on facebook about someone's husband being honorably discharged from the military because of setbacks and that really makes me nervous. It helps a little to know Joe will have a higher ranking as soon as he goes to bootcamp and if he passes his test in Sept, will go up another ranking.

the hurt and the healer collide

I have been doing an awful lot of thinking about my firstborn as of late. How she would have been 4 years old this coming July. Her daddy will miss being with me on her birthday. He was gone for her second birthday as well. My heart longs to go back in time to when she first arrived. To hold her a little tighter and kiss her a little more and to stroke her straight black hair like her daddy's. I still wonder to this day I was being prompted that something was going to take place..something bad. There were times when I thought "no, not me. nothing bad will happen to my baby." I don't know why any momma who had been told time and time again that her child is healthy would think something like that. I still beat myself up for handing her to the nurse so willingly. In a way, I'm thankful it didn't hurt any more than it did at the time. I had the ignorance to think, as soon as I get out of this hospital and past the funeral, I can just 'get passed this'. I thought it would be like it never happened. But oh I'm glad for the lessons that girl taught me. She made her dad and I stronger, and gave me compassion and empathy that I don't think I would have gotten otherwise. Her little sister is here! I don't think she would be if I had my Ella. I'm not saying I'm glad she died, I'm certainly not, I still hurt and long to see her sweet face. At the same time, I cannot imagine a life without Claire. I know one day it will all be made right again. Then, I have my doubts and think 'really, what can make a momma losing her baby okay?' It's hard to imagine anything taking the pain away. She keeps me holding onto faith though! If I did not have a part of me in Heaven waiting for me, I can't say I'd want to hold on to the faith this tightly. Sometimes a momma will do anything to see her child again. Does it make me a bad person that every once in awhile seeing my baby again makes Heaven seem more appealing? God, forgive me if it does!

Its been impressed upon my heart in the last few weeks...that I complain! A LOT!  I can't be happy either way. I guess its human nature, however, that is NOT an excuse. The Bible tells us to do everything without complaining and in another section, tells us to work as if we are working for the Lord (because ulimately we are HIS servants) and not man.

I think I must have a HUGE issue with believing the Word of God is true. Ultimately, its a pride issue. "They say" money is the root of all evil. I'd venture to say that pride is. Think about it..okay, if money is the root of all evil, you get that money from being prideful thinking, "I earned this. I should be able to spend it the way I want to."

We SAY we have a heart for the poor and those who don't have as much as we do, but do we really if we'd rather keep our possessions to ourselves? I'm preaching to the choir here. As you all know, it is tax season, and we will  a refund coming..we want to pay off debts and splurge a little and save the rest. I say, why not send that splurging money to starving kids or pregnancy centers begging young women not to murder their innocent offspring. Putting feet to your faith is super hard in today's world when we are told those who trust in God are weak and stupid..on the contrary, it takes a lot more faith to believe this world is it for us than to trust the true God.

change

Change is rough! Super rough! I've been trying to make some in my life. Although, I admit, i've not been as serious about it as I want to be. For starters, I want to lose weight. You see, I've been overweight since I was a kid. probably about age 10 is when things went south weight wise for me. So, its become a way of life of sorts. I hate it. I hate looking at my body..its gross. During my pregnancy with Ella, I was given the official word..diabetes. When she was born, they waited a couple months and tested me again..sure enough Type 2. One would think being told that information would be enough to put me on the bandwagon to exercise and good health..nope! The first couple months after Ella died I ate whatever I wanted...I wanted to die..to be with my daughter. Then I got counseling. I was wisely told, to take walks. I did. 3 times a day to clear my head. I noticed the inches coming off but don't think I cared that much..my daughter was still gone from me.

Now, I try to watch my diet. I don't always do well. at all! Its very hard for me to accept I am different. Yes, I'm only 26 but this is the card i've been dealt so I must play it. rough..

I want to practice more Godly attributes, namely the fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5-peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control


Joe is still working 2 jobs and is busy as ever!  He will leave for the military soon. I am NOT looking forward to the time we will be away from each other. Claire is doing wonderfully. We've even started to help her fall asleep in her crib instead of my arms..its a slow process but gives me a chance to work on being gentle and patient! I start classes again monday! I hope they go well. My gpa turned out to be A LOT better than I expected

until next time, thats my life in a nutshell