sitting in...

This morning I sat in on one of Joe's classes. It was a "cultural landscaping" class. It was rather interesting I thought. They were going over things like military time (because a student had apparently asked in a previous class about it) and what you think a place looks like based on how you think of it in your mind (I forgot the formal term). The teacher is South Korean I think. He pronounced words like "cultural" as "curture"..I'm not making fun of him. I'm just saying it was different. He seemed like a really cool guy. Anyway, thats the only class he had today. We are still waiting on Joe to find a job. It's been a humungo test of faith for me. I mean, here we are in warrensburg for 2 weeks without hardly any money. I feel very..unstable. Does that even make sense? You know how when you have a job and have financial security? Thats all I mean by that. I hate that I depend on money to make me feel secure..maybe thats the lesson i'm suppose to be learning at this point in my life..again. I obviously do not know for sure.The doctor decided today to up my insulin by like 20 units so I really hope that will help things stay under more control. I have really been trying not to freak out as much. The baby is moving well today, which is awesome! I'm trying to focus on the fact that we have her now! (she probably will not die because doctors have a reason to intervene in this pregnancy) but I cannot tell you how scared I've been that she only has a few more weeks left to live. I decided after Ella died that if I got pregnant again I would not take my babies for granted. That I would cherish any time I had with them. It's very hard for me not to wonder if she will live past birth. If I spend the rest of this pregnancy worrying if she will make it or not and forget to pay attention to what I have now, I will be totally upset with myself. This weekend will probably be spent here at the apartment. Of course we have church on Sunday! Joe has homework he needs to work on (obviously right?) Monday afternoon I've got an appointment with dr. grant. so that means we get to see our baby again! YAY!