scary pregnancy

I ate eggs, bacon and 2 pieces of toast this morning. I took 40 units of insulin this morning. My blood sugar was over 200 after breakfast.                                                                                                                           Our baby girl's birthday is 12 weeks from today. I'm scared of losing Claire too. It helped that this morning she was jumping around like crazy. Sometimes I wonder if thats her way of saying 'I'm okay mom. Stop worrying" I wish I could stop. Well, I know I can. I just don't let myself I guess. I feel like my body is failing yet another one of our children. I'm not saying I expect for Claire to die or anything. After all, who gets pregnant with the thought in their mind that their child would die before they are even born? I feel like this past week has been one big rant fest on how stressed I am. I miss our baby Ella and I don't want to know how to feels to lose two children.