so, its been a really long time

I've thought about blogging several times in the past few weeks. I just haven't..clearly. Well, today we went to the Air Force base so Joe got get a pass to get on base for his job! Thats right, he's got a second job! Crazy fella. Its a delivery job for the donut cafe here in town. We planned to go to Illinois last weekend but we had..issues yet again. Our car needed 1400 worth of repair. The guy at the shop said it wasn't worth fixing really. We decided to trash it..well, sell it then they trashed it I think and get a new one. It was a blessing that happened at just the right time I thought. Joe talked to someone one night who had been trying to sell his car. It's a 2001 ford explorer...very nice car! I like it a lot better than our other one. It's much easier with a one year old as well. We plan to go home very soon to celebrate Christmas. Claire has started waving her hand 'hi' and 'bye' the past few weeks..she's too adorable!

Instead of looking at this world, I'm tryin to look to Jesus for hope. I have been wavering in my faith for the past 7 or 8 months I'd say..I really struggle with "could all this be true?" "did God do all that stuff the Bible says? Am I just wishfully thinking..man, I don't want to be fooled like all the other people who believe are being fooled..

I know satan tries all he can to get people to turn towards him and not the author and finisher of our faith. I've really been struggling and if you have any help you could offer whatsoever, please let me know

Claire, anxiety and more!

first, lets start with Claire! She's doing wonderfully! She's a very happy baby 85% of the time. We are just starting being adament about crib training...I know..I know..I coddled her too much. It all goes back to Ella. I know I can't make sense of it to anyone who hasn't lost a child. On another hand, not only did it come down to her being next to me as sort of a pacifier to me..but it was easier not to have to get up several times a night. Now, that I'm trying to keep her in her crib I'm up AT LEAST five times a night.

Anxiety, its getting better..I'm trying to change the way I think. I am attempting to have a more positive in attitude. Actually doing it is very hard.

I know I have ben very wishy washy about my relationship with God. I realize now that I am relying too much on on feelings...I don't FEEL Him here with me sometimes..it doesn't mean He's not though. I have been feeling..that word again right? That I want to be close to God, I just am afraid to be taken for a fool with something thats not real..but then again..how could He not be real?!?! I think general revelation (trees, etc) are an example of God's power. anyone ever FEEL like this?