she turned 2..thats something new

Claire turned 2 years old on Nov. 16th. At first it was a little heartbreaking at the thought of her getting older. Now, since I've had a few days to get used to the idea, I'm really looking forward to getting to watch her grow up. Hopefully the next milestone we make is potty training. Her grandma (my mom) got her some 'big girl underoos' for her birthday and we had already had the potty so now its up to me to start! I say its up to me because it pretty much is, Joe works 2 jobs and honestly has no clue to how potty train a kid, let alone a girl. Truth me told, neither do I. I am going off what other moms have done and what I think would work. She knows when she goes 'poo poo' in her diaper-which could be anything. Sometimes its poo..I think she gets confused. Its cute though. She's started to let me know when she's hungry now. She's started to say "hungy" and "eat"

I am still doing online classes with Liberty and I really like it. I wish I had the drive to do better however. I am still staying home with ms. Claire during the day

Joe has his jobs and should be back today from KC. He went to take his physical and test to enter into the Navy. Scary yet oh so exciting at the thought of it. He told me last night he did well on the test. He did the physical part today and I have yet to hear about that

being a part of that group

I am in the babyloss club. I consider it both fortunate and unfortunate. I remember before Ella even came about to be used by God and I didn't care how He did it. Boy, if I knew then what I know now..but anyway, another mom joined the ranks recently. She was 8 months along. So, naturally (to me anyway) I gave permission to send my email & phone number if she would ever need someone to talk to who "knows". Today is International Babyloss Day. All the babies who died before or shortly after they were born are being especially remembered today. At 7pm (whatever time zone I believe) we are to light a candle in rememberance of our little ones. I probably won't get a chance to do this..well, on time anyway. I watched "October Baby" last night. Great movie. I sobbed. I miss my little girl everyday. Wondering what she would be like now (age 3) is almost too much to bear sometimes. I get this horrible empty pit in my heart! I hate it...I try to think about her praising God in Heaven. Then, I wonder if its all a fairy tale (that there is even a Heaven). I know there is. God is tenderly and patiently working on my faith and trust in Him.

Can I get a witness?

The last 3 weeks, a Jehovah's Witness has been coming to visit me. I'm convinced she's trying to convert me! Well, what else is there purpose..that was a duh statement. I knew our beliefs were different but woo wee! She doesn't believe in the Holy Spirit, doesn't believe that God and Jesus are one, amongst some other things. Now, she asks me my opinion A LOT and I feel so ignorant. I know what I know is true but man, this guys really know there stuff! It seems she is so close to the truth I know but just isn't quite there. If you are curious about how their beliefs differ from Christians check out http://www.jw.org/en. Its some pretty intense stuff I think. I feel like a Moses. I just mean, I feel like "God, what are you doing through me? I'm ill equipped. Why did you send Teresa to my door?" If anyone of you is an expert at debate, I need some tips!!! I'm not good with my words..at least not with her. I don't want to 'cram it down her throat' but I don't want to just let her talk without putting words in of my own.
Can anyone relate?

the comparison game

I play this game..a lot! I compare myself to other mothers, and wives specificially. Nobody told me the work of a SAHM (stay at home mom) isn't roses and peaches all the time. I love LOVE my daughter but its not always easy being at home day in and day out. I know it isn't healthy to compare myself to others..I don't know why I do it. Other than "sin is fun" I have no answer for you.

I've began there are other ways we are called to be stewards other than with our money. I stink at being a good steward of my time! Neither my husband or little girl starve, go without clothes or anything like that. I guess typing all this out has led me to remember..there I go again, comparing myself. I don't know how to break this nasty habit. I realize what God has called me to do looks different than what He's called you to do. I still think "God, what else should I be doing besides being a mommy?"I've come up empty.  I don't want to be a Jonah, running the FARTHEST away from my calling that I can get. Now, I don't know if this is what I wanna "hear"  (stay at home with Claire and nothing else) or i'm just not  listening to Him very clearly. Sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing His voice with my own. WOW! THAT sounded egotistical didn't it? I totally didn't mean it that way. I probably should have said I have a hard time knowing when God is speaking to me. I've came up with a couple ideas..such as call/meet with the local hospital, tell them what i've been through with Ella. If anyone going through losing a child needs someone, giving them my contact info and just being there for mothers especially. I've thought of going door to door just chatting it up with people or just taking walks and hoping to find a "God moment." I am pursuing a counseling degree to try to help people on a professional level but I want it and I want it NOW!
patience Ashley patience!

I've started a book study with a group of lovely girls over the book "7". The author is talking about getting rid of excess in our lives..I think I'm gonna enjoy this..in the end. Right now, the truth is hard to hear..even though I need to but I'm excited.

please read, I need opinoins

I know its been a long time since I've written anything. I have started school in the past couple weeks and its been hard to know how to balance life, such as Claire and Joe. And school and cleaning and so on...
anyway, so, I read something online the other day and wanted some opinoins because quite honestly, I don't know what to think. I was reading about the importance and purpose of marriage. Someone wrote a comment that made me think. This person was saying that since marraige is so highly thought of from God we ought to take care of it! Yes, true. I agreed with that. This person said that we ought to take care of our marriages before we'd say..working on patience or gentleness. Does that make sense? However, I think that in a marraige, you will work on patience and gentleness. If you've been married for more than 24 hours you know marriage is full of compromise and that requires patience. I am working on being gentle with my answers and statements. Particuarly if I am annoyed or angry..Or, even if he is angry. If momma isn't happy, ain't nobody happy! but if momma's happy, and everyone else is in a pooey mood, then it seems to help if I respond gently.
I hope all this makes some sort of sense.

we've moved

The last 2 weeks seem somewhat of a whirlwind. Getting ready to move was a long task..with a 1 year old, it seems anything takes twice as long as it used it. She loved trying to 'help' me pack. The week before we moved, we went to Illinois to see family. It was Ella's birthday. We stopped in Moberly on the way back home. and then the saturday after we got back we moved across town. I knew it was going to be a long, tedious process but GOLLY GEE!!! We still don't have Claire's crib put up yet. Joe got a second job. He works about a half hour away now too. So, he's gone a lot. So, by the time he gets home, he's tired and just wants to relax and I..well, I try to either relax our do housekeeping stuff when Claire's asleep for her nap..speaking of which, I shouldn't be on here long because she's been asleep for the last hour and I STILL have laundry to put away. Then, I get to take another load downstairs (probably tomorrow) and do it..and then put that away..as well as put Claire's crib up. Well, so much for her staying asleep, she just woke up. So I must go!

update on life

I've not blogged in a long time. Today we did a little apartment hunting. We didn't decide on anything for sure but at least we have some ideas! Joe and Claire are taking their naps. Momma ate lunch and cleaned a bit. I'm not gonna lie, I have been coming up with some ideas on how to decorate my next apartment, even though I have no idea what it might look like..wierd huh?

Claire is doing wonderful! She's as ornery as ever but we love her. She is a helpful little girl, which makes me totally happy.

I am grateful to visit with a particular friend at least once a week. It's making me see things in myself that need to change. Our friendship has given me the courage to actually change the things I need to. Its  probably not 'normal' to have a close friendship with someone almost 30 years older than you almost, but I appreciate the wisdom she has. I've been praying for wisdom and I suppose this is His way of answering me :0)